行香子：原韵唱和朋友

林深数树

行香子：原韵唱和朋友

更上层楼，独立寒秋。

心摇曳，月涌江流。

山川历历，浩水幽幽。

叹 栏拍过，云飘过，月西游。

恩仇爱恨，逝水如流。
惊鸿叫，初意难酬。
离情世上，别绪心头。
怅 林中月，风中雁，水中秋。



小东邪朋友原玉——

行香子

独上高楼，枉自凝眸。
凭栏处，月冷江流。
凉风临夜，吟咽声幽。
看 云无踪，风无迹，再无求。

浮沉聚散，逝水难收。
雁过也，信字难留。
红尘梦断，哽在心头。
叹 烟一抹，天一色，草一秋。

英文原作——

临屏翻译：小东邪

I was alone at the high-rise building.
Leaning upon a balustrade,
Staring at the cold moon bestowed upon the running water.
I was able to hear the gentle chantings of the night breezes blowing across the land.
The clouds were blurred and the wind had blown through the trees’top.
Everything seemed so calm and tranquil.
Oh! I demand no more in life.
Life was always having up and down,
Reunion and welfare matters are always prevail.
Look! The water runs toward the sea.
Wild gooses had flown across the sky,
They left no traces of words.
My dream had been awakened,
I could feel a lump in my heart.
Water vapours were coagulated in the air.
The sky was blue as ever.
Grasses were in yellow,
Oh! The autumn is coming.

影颖

唱和俱佳。
林版的“离情世上，别绪心头。” 感慨重些。前一句若写景写实，托出别绪，更佳。
给首版找点茬。

林深数树

影颖 发表于 2013-5-24 11:06
唱和俱佳。
林版的“离情世上，别绪心头。” 感慨重些。前一句若写景写实，托出别绪，更佳。
给首版找点茬 ...

朋友批评是有道理。可这里要切英语原诗。

韩林子

欣赏

林深数树

韩林子 发表于 2013-5-24 21:52
欣赏

谢谢你的支持。

韩林子

林深数树 发表于 2013-5-24 23:19
谢谢你的支持。

晚上好

林深数树

韩林子 发表于 2013-5-24 23:27
晚上好

晚上好，朋友。

ぷ灵ふ狐ぞ

不错啊。